Archive for March, 2013

NLP Practitioner – Improving Relationships with NLP

NLP Practitioner Training - Discover How to Create Your Perfect Relationship

NLP Practitioner

These days it seems that everybody is searching for ways to improve and fix relationships. Hundreds of self-help books and websites offer to save your marriage, to give relationship advice or to improve your dating life. If you have ever felt frustrated with a girlfriend, boyfriend or even colleague, you might have found yourself wondering “What is he/she thinking?” It might surprise you to know that NLP Practitioner training can improve your relationships.

Creating Rapport

The first step to making a relationship better is to step into their world. Everybody thinks differently, and unless you can start to understand the thinking patterns of others, you will find that your relationship issues remain unsolved. There is a common saying that we talk about at our NLP Practitioner training– “the map is not the territory”. This means that we all navigate the world differently – to one person, a problem might mean the end of the world; to the other, it might be a challenge.

The path to effective communication involves matching people’s preferred way of thinking. Listen to the expressions they use – do they use a lot of ‘visual’ phrases like “I see what you’re saying”, ‘auditory’ ones such as “that sounds good” or ‘kinesthetic’ ones like “something feels wrong”? Effective listening means paying attention to these small things. When you match your own language to the other person’s preferred language, they feel a stronger rapport with you.

Another way to make a relationship stronger is to mirror or match the other person’s body language. As an NLP Practitioner this can make potential clients feel more at ease with you; it can also improve long relationships. When your body language is in sync, the person feels closer to you, even if they can’t explain why. Of course, make it subtle – copying somebody’s movements like a robot will probably make them feel uncomfortable.

Mind Reading

Good communication is key to healthy relationships. Remember that you are not a mind reader. When you assume what another person is thinking, you risk damaging the relationship. Telling yourself things like “She is angry” or “I can tell that she doesn’t like me” will create problems, as you are likely to act as if this is true. As a NLP Practitioner you will learn you that require hard evidence to support your ideas. Ask yourself “How exactly do I know that this is true?”

The reverse is true – other people cannot read your mind. You can avoid arguments by being honest, yet calm, about what you are feeling. Saying or thinking things like “You should know how I feel” or “I can’t believe he didn’t consider my feelings” will bring unnecessary tension into your relationships.

Taking Another Perspective

The saying that before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes, is appropriate here. One of the key beliefs behind NLP is being able to understand the world from another person’s point of view. Try to imagine the situation from your friend, boyfriend or family member’s point of view. Even if you don’t agree with it, try to understand it.

The ability to take this second position is vital to good relationships. You can also adopt a third position – imagine the situation from an outside perspective, so that you are “watching” yourself and the other person interact. You might learn something about your own behaviour. Learn more about taking another perspective here.

Finally, one of the core beliefs of NLP is that everybody acts with good intentions. When your husband or wife got angry and jealous, perhaps it was just because they didn’t want to lose you. When your boss was too strict with you, he/she might just have been trying to motivate you. Think of what good intentions people might have when they act towards you, and don’t assume that they are trying to attack or hurt you.

NLP Practitioner

NLP Practitioner

Increase your Motivation with NLP

Most problems appear when there is a big difference between the way things are and the way we would like things to be. When you decide to make that gap smaller, you start setting goals. Sometimes, however, your motivation runs dry – you feel that you don’t have the energy to do anything, you procrastinate, and you can’t focus. You might be wondering – how can I increase my motivation? You might want to increase your motivation at work or at school. NLP offers some ideas on how to deal with a lack of motivation or will power.

Create a Motivation Trigger

Think back to a time in the past when you felt really motivated and passionate about something. If you can’t, imagine something that you would really like to do. Make the pictures as big, bright, loud and real in your mind as you can. Focus on your feelings of determination, pride, passion, whatever motivated you at the time, and let the feelings flood through you.

Let this build up in your mind until it gets stronger and stronger. When the feeling is at its strongest, create a physical anchor. This means that you do something with your body that you might not normally do – rub a hand on your thigh, grab your finger, pull your earlobe. Distract yourself to break state, then do it all over again. You are creating a trigger. Now, when you perform the same action, those feelings of motivation will rise up inside you.

Next, while bringing your feelings of motivation and achievement into focus, think about your current goal – the thing you wish you had more motivation for. Use the sense of motivation you felt from your first memory or imagined event and imagine how great you will feel when you achieve this next goal. By doing this, you are increasing your self-belief and flooding your body with good feelings of motivation. The next time you’re feeling down, just perform your physical trigger (it’s good to make it something other people won’t notice) and you will feel motivated again.

Creating New Behaviour

Sometimes we are not motivated because we don’t really believe in ourselves, or we forget why we are working towards a certain goal. Visualization is another popular NLP method for increasing motivation. Close your eyes and imagine yourself doing the thing that you want to do – getting a new job, starting your own business, scoring a winning goal or whatever it is that you want to do.

You are the director of your own inner movie – edit the soundtrack and the image you see until you are happy with it. You can use this technique to imagine yourself being motivated and excited about a task that you might not really want to do. Pay attention to your own feelings and the imagined responses of people around you – keep editing until it feels right. You can add an anchor or trigger to this type of behaviour, too.

Why Aren’t You Motivated?

Finally, it’s worth asking yourself what might be stopping you from feeling motivated. If you are stuck in a job that you hate, trying to make yourself care about tasks that you don’t care about, then forcing yourself to feel passionate can feel wrong. Deep down, you might know why you don’t really feel motivated. Is this your own goal, or someone else’s goal for you?

When you set goals that are authentic – that is, they come from what you truly want and feel passionate about – motivation will come more naturally. Trying to get excited about something that you find boring can be like trying to fit into the wrong shoes. Look at yourself and ask yourself whether this is something that you really want to focus your time and energy on.

Read more about NLP Practitioner and Self Motivation here

NLP for confidence

Boosting Your Confidence with NLP

Why is  it that there are millions of people across the planet, searching for effective ways to boost their self esteem and improve their confidence?

It appears that in society today, people aim for unrealistic and impossible standards – they compare themselves to “beautiful”, rich celebrities, for example,  this chips away at their confidence and can make the person wish that they were somebody else.

The great news is that with NLP you can rebuild your damaged confidence, or enhance it if you just want an extra boost of self-esteem.

How to Create a Positive Confidence Cycle

A lack of confidence can be a destructive cycle. For example, let’s say that you are meeting new people. You start to worry about what you will do and say, and you remember that last time you met new people, it was a disaster. The result is that you start to over-analyse everything that you do and say, attacking your own confidence. Your body becomes anxious and so it becomes harder for you to relax. People can sense that you are tense and might think that you are shy. You take their reaction to you as a sign that they don’t like you. And so the cycle perpetuates itself.

How can you change this negative cycle? It’s easy! The first step is to remember that confidence is attainable. You do have it. You have experienced confidence in the past. All it takes is a shift in how you think. Instead of recalling times when people didn’t like you, remember all the positive encounters you have had. Tell yourself that you are likeable and confident. When you believe it, you will act like a confident person. To help you make this even easier employ the following techniques:

Boost Your Confidence with Visualisation

Think of a confident person that you know and would like to be like. Picture the way that they move, talk and act. Imagine how it feels to be that person. As you do, move your body to match their posture. Copy the way that they talk, walk and sit. You can even imagine that you are that person while talking to other people. It can help to imagine that it is not really you having this conversation or making that speech, but that you are acting the part of a confident person doing so. Your brain doesn’t know the difference – when you act confident, you start to feel more confident.

One powerful technique for improving confidence is to imagine that the confident person has a white light around them. Imagine that light is their confidence. Close your eyes and imagine yourself walking into the white light. The light will protect you, and it will make you confident. Step into that light and feel the confidence surround you. Thousands of people use this tip to help them with public speaking, for example.

Create a Confidence Anchor

In our NLP Training you will learn about Anchoring. Another powerful way to boost confidence is to think back to a time when you felt very confident. If you can’t, imagine that you are a confident person that you admire. Picture exactly how you felt – how people reacted to you, how happy you felt, how brave you were. Let the feelings fill your body. When you have done this a few times, add a physical trigger to the feeling. For example, rub your hand on your thigh or rub your earlobe (something that won’t attract too much attention).
Keep recalling those confident feelings and performing the same action over and over again. You are creating an anchor. From now on, when you need to feel more confident, you can perform your anchor. You will feel a surge of confidence as your self-esteem rises.